Everything feels like a circle. The ends connect to the beginnings so seamlessly, there is never a level moment to rest. Motion is constant to the point that the best kept strategy is to follow - to keep up to its flow. Another rotation means another obstacle challenge to course.

Fall behind and it may be difficult to regain the momentum to balance once again. Fall behind and you may be overrun by the curve which continues to spin.

Find the rhythm and you may find your stomach does belly flips with butterflies when gravity is on your side. Find a rhythm and your heart may flutter with anticipation when you climb towards the next rotation.

//

I woke up to see the mountains greet me; an observatory, just previously lit up in the night sky, now so clear against the morning clouds. That felt like a still moment. I wondered which point I must have been on along the circle or how many rotations I must have made even before my eyes opened that day. Is there a reason to worry in which direction I will spin? Grounding my feet into white sheets, the messy linen lined mattress which supported me and my dreams became the dream. So suddenly things were clear.

I feel so romantic here.

Even if the days are long, they never feel long enough. I count them down, yet beg for more hours. I am almost afraid to admit I look forward to it these days. But it’s true. I’m yearning for more. The circle by which I felt threatened and overrun has become a healthy treadmill for me to practice this ongoing dance with life. There was once a time and many mornings, even now, when I’d find myself wishing the circle would end. Praying quietly to a secular being that the circle would plateau and flatline, or even wishing I had the courage to force a rotation to submit. But upon mornings like this, I wake and thank heavens for whirlwinds. They make my feelings swell and ache until sometimes they grow to almost a place I fear I cannot return. But even so, I continue to spin. Circles and circles until I reach a day like this in a room numbered 1031, when I catch myself saying, “I’m happy today.”